“Whether you think you can or can’t you’re right.” -Henry Ford
Our minds are far more powerful than we can even begin to grasp. We can literally turn consciousness into matter. Think Michaelangelo and the Sistine chapel. Imagine a beautiful dinner and then go home and create it!
When I was six years old, I had a very traumatic experience involving a muscle car with bald tires and faulty breaks. I will spare you the details of that morning; however, I can tell you that, by the grace of God, we did not go over that cliff. The events of that fateful day spun what I now know to be ‘fear-based thinking’ where I went on making decisions out of fear. How did I know they were decisions based on fear? Well, I was stuck and anxious, and I chose things not because I really wanted to do them but because I was following someone else’s definition of what my life should look like.
What I feared, I created.
I thought I was doomed, cursed, smited by the gods even. Mind you it wasn’t debilitating enough to land me in the psych unit but I can sure tell you I went through some depression and sadness throughout my teen years. My parent’s divorce certainly didn’t help the situation either- like most kids, I thought it was something I did.
It wasn’t until my mid twenties- I can’t tell you at what moment exactly- that something shifted in me. I realized my way of thinking wasn’t getting me what I wanted out of life.
“WHAT YOU FEAR YOU CREATE.”
That’s when I decided to make some changes. I needed to change my mind in order to change my life!
Someone recommended a pivotal book for me called “The Power of Now” written by Eckhart Tolle. The book is about a great deal of things but for the sake of relating to this post, I will highlight that what I got from it was about mindfulness and how to TRULY experience life, living in the present moment.
When you are present, you are in truth and truth is derived from love. Not fear.
Well, that’s interesting, I thought! What he was saying was that if I shift my mind from fear-based thinking, “I’ll be happy when”; ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’, pressure to exceed by the definitions of others, etc etc. ….into a space of love I could experience the peace and freedom I was so desperately seeking. Hmm. I like it. Sign me up!
“Everything in life happens not TO you but it happens FOR you.” We have to be conscious of this so that we can begin to unwind our subconscious patterns, so that we can begin to shift our mindset.
You are NOT your thoughts. You are the observer of your thoughts. You are not your problems. You are the observer of your problems. Does that make sense? The more you attach yourself to something, the more bound to it you are, in your own self-imposed prison.
Deciding not to attach, well, that kinda sounds like you’re free, doesn’t it?
Now, I should warn you…
WARNING!: shifting your mindset will likely feel uncomfortable and that’s why 95% of us will quit. Here’s the beauty of that statement though: it’s JUST ego doing it’s job, keeping you safe, comfortable….and STUCK. If you’re happy with that, keep doing what you are doing, but if you are not, then it’s a call to you to do something about your current mindset. A call to change your mindset so you can change your life!
Alright, now for the goods. Here are a few tips to help you walk the path of lighter living.
#1. IDENTIFY YOUR MENTAL BLOCKS– Identify the blocks/self-limiting beliefs that are keeping you heavy and stuck. For every negative belief there is a positive affirmation. When you shift your mindset to a new belief you start the process of rewiring your brain. Heard of neuroplasticity? Classic example, my friends. List at least 20 blocks or negative beliefs on the left hand side of a blank sheet of paper. Be concise. When you’re done that. List the affirmation/truth beside it. See example below. Be very specific as your unconscious thinking runs the show and is quite literal, that one!
Example:
“I’m not smart enough to get that promotion” BECOMES “I am a successful marketing consultant and I can prove it!”
“People aren’t interested in what I have to say” BECOMES “I add a lot of value with my words”
And if you don’t believe you are good enough, smart enough, and that people like you (much like the infamous SNL character Stuart Smalley), what is the evidence of that? What is the payoff for staying stuck on the old belief/story?
#2. ACT NOW!– This concept was made popular by the work of Mel Robbins in her book “The 5 second rule”. Before you have the time to talk yourself out of a goal or an idea you know would make your life better, act right away. Research shows it takes the brain 5 seconds to talk yourself out of potentially life shifting decisions. This is self-sabotage. Note: Counting down from 5 is the most effective way to use this tool because you are inspired to not run out of time!
Helpful Tool:
When your alarm clock goes off in the morning, count down as if you were right there at the Kennedy Space Centre:
Say aloud “5-4-3-2-1-Go”
And get your cutie patootie out of bed!
“Don’t talk yourself out of living the life of your dreams.”-Mel Robbins
#3. ASK YOURSELF QUALITY QUESTIONS- Here’s where you get really real with yourself. I mean, really real. I went to a personal growth seminar once, and one of the tools they gave me was “the quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself”. Works like a charm, I tell ya.
Take a deep breath and ask yourself…
- Will this (thing/person/event) add to my life or will it take away?
Sample question: Will launching my own business add to my life or take away?
- Does this (thing/person/event) feel light or heavy? It’s one or the other. And my personal fave. Wink!
Sample question: What will it feel like to finally confront my friend about something she did years ago that really got under my skin- light or heavy?
Whatever you do take responsibility for your experience of the situation and never blame the other person. That’s self-defeating.
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without YOUR consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
- Is this decision coming from fear or love?
Sample question: Was telling my son I didn’t approve of his decision to move out of town out of love or was it fear?
You may resonate with all of the examples above or you may resonate with none. You might have your own version. Or this might have inspired you to create your own. Yay! The point is to START! Take some time with these if you need. Take deep breaths. Move out of the chaos. Meditate. Sit in silence.
Whatever you do, be kind to yourself. We are all human and we make mistakes. And we learn.
Speaking of which, to me life is like the school. You are the student. And everyone you meet along the way is your teacher! Yes, even your evil, two-timing, no good, yellow-bellied ex. Him too.
Can I tell you what inspired this post? Well, I’m gonna even if you say no.
I’m a momma to my own six year-old and, as you learned above, she’s the same age now that I was when I went through the freaky car incident.
I want a better world for both my girls. It’s up to me to break the cycle and continue this beautiful work on myself (as a well as with others), so that I can break the cycle for them and they can go on to ‘one-up’ their mom.
It’s not up to anyone else. It’s up to me. It’s up to YOU! Every day we wake up is another opportunity to live full of inspiration and purpose. It is straight-up, no-holds-barred a choice. Change your mindset, and you will change your life.
Yours in self-care,
Kendra